Diet Check-in #10 unfortunately comes with a bit of a setback. But wow, I nailed it. Last week I predicted that I’d not only lose ground again, but that I’d break 260. This morning, for my weekly weigh-in, I came in at 260 on the nose.

I sound excited about that. Why? I’m gaining weight! That’s not how diets work!

You don’t have to remind me. It’s been a rough couple weeks. I must admit though, that when I made the prediction last week, I did so thinking that the gain would be due to just being out of town for a few days. I had every expectation that the rest of the week I would be catching up.

Weekly Weigh-in: 260.0

no one to blame but myself

That didn’t happen. Instead, I spent the week frazzled. I was unfocused and unmotivated, and I was finding myself increasingly more frustrated as the week went on. On Monday, despite feeling exhausted from the trip, I stayed on track, but not without a serious amount of effort. Then, as the week progressed, I became more and more flustered and frustrated. What made it worse is that I didn’t know why.

The long and short of it is that not only did I not get to the gym all week, I also ate more, for no good reason. I allowed myself a few libations on each of those nights too, while normally I try to save that stuff for the weekends.

I didn’t know what to make of it, but I was worried that I might not be able to turn things around. Then I sort of figured it out. I have a morning writing routine. It’s nothing extensive, but I call it a daily brain dump. Normally, it’s just a loose account of my daily goings on. Sometimes though, I go off on a rant, and sometimes that helps me figure things out.

An Epiphany, Perhaps?

I don’t need to go into all the sordid details that lead up to this, but I did figure something out. What I realized was that it all goes back to me not hitting my goal for gym check-ins in October. I have hit that goal every month for seven years. I slough off one month and suddenly I am falling apart. It makes sense though. I put so much weight on myself just trying to hit my regular goals. It gives me hope for eventually hitting some bigger goals. Anyway, these are supposed to the be easy ones. The low hanging fruit, if you will, and suddenly, I can’t come through.

I’m quite certain that realization happened subconsciously and it triggered a chain reaction that lead to me nearly giving up on other goals. Thinking it through everything with my morning writing let me catch that before it could get worse.

So now, I will move ahead with that understanding. I may be behind, but I know how I got here. Things could be worse, but I’m still doing better than I did when I started.